If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
