We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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