So drunk its hurt
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
