Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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