My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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