Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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