Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
