Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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