Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
