Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
