When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize