Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
