I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
