Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
