My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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