is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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