Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
