he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
