she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
