dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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