So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I intend to get homeless drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
