My brain says no but my pants say off.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
