I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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