I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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