oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They are going to name an STD after you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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