Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
