She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
