The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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