TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
