I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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