you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
