if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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