i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
