R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So much Jack, so little girl.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
