it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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