Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
