This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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