Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
