There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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