I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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