She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
