So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
