shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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