Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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