I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
