Will you blow on my dice?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
