I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
