you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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