her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize