this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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