put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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