So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
