i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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