plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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