Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
