i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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