there's paper in my vomit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
MIDGETS
????
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
