I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
