you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Can Purell be used as lube?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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