There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
