I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
