Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
