I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
