We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
