Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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