Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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