Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
