he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
