I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
