I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
