I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
