Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
