is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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