If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my poor anus
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
