Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Two words: nipple clamps
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