i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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