I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
